God Only Knows
by Pandora the Cat
Summary: Willow sends Spike into Buffy's dream where he meets up with his dream-self, Dawn, Buffy, and Angel.
1. Part 1

God Only Knows - 1

**God Only Knows**

**Part 1**

by: [Pandora][1]

  
  
PAIRING: Spike/Buffy - Yeah, like I'd write something else. LOL!  
DISCLAIMER: Joss and other people own all. Further disclaimers at the end.   
DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone else, please let me know.  
RATING: PG-13  
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including "The Body" is fair game, but nothing after that ep happens in this story.  
REVIEW: That would be nice. ::hint hint:: grin   
SUMMARY: Buffy is trapped in prophetic dreams. Spike and Dawn have to find a way to get her out.   
DEDICATION: This goes out to the sweethearts who read the first draft of this story, and told me to go for it even though it only contained about a fifth of what's here now.  Those wonderful people are: Queenie, Isabelle, Tracy, Meredith, and Trish (who also did the final beta - YAY!). All of you gave me a great deal of encouragement and I appreciate that more than words can say. Thanks! And also to the entire One Good Day bunch. You are all just the best and please... save a Naked Spike for me, k? LOL!

  
**God Only Knows**   
Part 1

Buffy was asleep, but she was NOT sleeping peacefully. She stirred and thrashed about in the bed, twisting the sheets around her legs. Her hair was wet from perspiration and every once in a while she would scream. The tortured screams woke her sister, and Dawn rushed into the room to check on her again. 

This was the third night in a row that Buffy had been dreaming so deeply, and it was getting worse. Dawn hesitated for a short time while she tried to figure out what to do. She hadn't told anyone about these nightly occurrences, because she didn't think they'd like what Buffy kept saying in her sleep. She was repeating Spike's name over and over again. Sometimes she would murmur his name, sometimes she would scream it, sometimes she would just whisper it faintly, but through it all, her voice was filled with fear. She sounded as though she was being tortured by the visions in her dream. Dawn wished she could help her sister deal with what the dreams were telling her, but when she had woken her up the two previous nights, Buffy had had no recollection of what she had been dreaming.

Dawn attempted to wake Buffy up again. She had been able to wake her the two previous nights after some nudging, but this time she was getting nowhere. She finally resorted to shaking her, but it had no effect. She then screamed Buffy's name as loudly as she could in order to startle her awake, but there was still no effect. Dawn was becoming frantic. Why wouldn't she wake up? 

She knew she should have told Giles, but he and the rest of the Scoobies still blamed Buffy for Angelus. Yeah, like she could have known that sleeping with Angel would result in THAT devil. That had always made Dawn so angry with them. How dare they blame her sister for that?! If she had known that Angelus would come out of their love, then they would have been right to blame her, but she DIDN'T know and how could she have known? It was like they expected her to have advance notice of everything. When she thought of all the times that Buffy had saved the world AND saved their butts, it made her want to scream at the injustice of it. 

The Slayer wasn't perfect, but she didn't deserve the hell that she had to go through constantly. Her actions were always judged differently from others. In fact, just recently Tara had endangered them all with a stupid spell that wouldn't allow them to see demons, but did anyone say anything to Tara about it? Nope! She got away with it like it was nothing. Dawn liked Tara, but that still infuriated her. If Buffy had done such an awful thing, they would have been hearing about it until the end of time. So, Dawn had plenty of reason to hesitate before imparting this information about Buffy's dreams to Giles and the gang. If they knew the Slayer was dreaming about Spike they would totally freak out and blame her sister, and she knew Buffy didn't need any more of that type of guilt from them.

Buffy's little sister started to cry. She was scared, overwhelmed, and terribly worried about her sister. She had just about made up her mind to call Willow when she heard a loud knock on the front door. Wondering who would be knocking at such a late hour, she raced down the stairs. After looking out the peephole, she determined that it was Spike. This shocked her as she hadn't seen Spike since the day in the Magic Box when they had all been so mean to him. She still felt ashamed at the way she had treated him, but the rest of the gang was showing so much animosity and she didn't feel prepared to fight against them. She slowly opened the door, worried about what to say to him, but she needn't have worried as Spike spoke right off the bat, "Nibblet, I've been out here the last three nights and I know something isn't right in your house. What's wrong with Buffy?"

"Spike, I don't know," Dawn frantically told him, relieved that he was there. She had missed him and his strength, but she couldn't tell anyone how she felt about him. Even though she had a crush on him before, he was like the strong older brother who would always protect her, and she needed that. "Buffy has been dreaming, or, I should say 'having nightmares'", she clarified, "about something and I can't get her to wake up tonight! I woke her up last night and the night before, but I can't get her to wake up now! I don't know what to do!"

"Well, have you called her watcher?" Spike queried.

"No, I couldn't..."

"Why not?"

"She is dreaming something about you," Dawn began, noticing that Spike's eyes lit up at those words. "They would give her so much hell and she's already been going through enough as it is."

"How do you know she's dreamin' about me?"

"She keeps saying your name again and again and it sounds like she's in lots of pain, but she doesn't remember anything when she wakes up. I'm scared, Spike. I don't know what to do," her voice trembled at the last words while some tears fell down her cheeks.

"Lil bit, I'll help you in any way I can."

"Oh Spike, I'm so glad you're here. You can try to wake her up since you are stronger than me. Let's go now..." Dawn stated happily before turning to head up the stairs. She had only gone up 3 steps when she noticed he wasn't following her. She turned to see him still standing on their doorstep. "Spike, what are you waiting for? Don't you want to help Buffy?"

"I want t' help her more than anythin', platelet. But... I can't change the laws of physics and magic---"

It took a second for Dawn to realize what he meant by that statement, but when she did, she apologized profusely, "I am SO sorry. I forgot that Buffy took back your invite. Please come in."

Spike stepped through with a sheepish and grateful expression on his face. There was also a lot of pain and hurt in that expression that he unsuccessfully tried to hide from Dawn. She looked at him consideringly, before saying, "You know Spike? Buffy doesn't hate you. She doesn't hate you at all, and I think that scares her more than anything. She is afraid, but she DOESN'T hate you. Please understand that." Dawn had thought about this a lot and had come to the conclusion that Buffy would be way better off with Spike than she was with Angel and Riley. There was just so much life to Spike, even though he was dead. Her sister needed someone like that.

Spike considered her words. "Do ya really think so, Nibblet? Do I have a reason t' hope?" His heart was flooded with emotions at Dawn's words, but he didn't want to put all his hopes into nothing.

"Yes, I do REALLY think so. I know Buffy. I see something in her face when you are around and it isn't hate. She feels something for you. I don't know what for sure, but I do know that she's afraid of causing trouble like what happened with Angel. You know, they STILL blame her for that," Dawn grumbled. "Ooh, it makes me so mad just to think about that."

He was elated at those words even though they didn't actually say anything specific about her feelings, but he knew he had been right about Buffy feeling something for him. He also filed away the information that Dawn had given him about Buffy being blamed for everything. He'd never really considered that part of the situation before, and he could see now why she would be even more hesitant to be with him. Damn those Scoobies!

"Thanks, pet. Let's get up to your big sis now. We'll get her out of this," Spike told Dawn as he jogged up the stairs behind her. They both went directly to Buffy's room and he was shocked by what he saw on her bed. He had dreamed of this so many times, but now when she was in so much pain, it made him feel guilty for imagining her in the sexual ways he always did. She looked as if she had been fighting an army in her sleep. Her hair was completely drenched with sweat, as was her entire body. Her pajamas were completely stuck to her skin. Even though he tried not to think about it at this time, in the back of his mind he couldn't stop thinking that she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He had to shake his head to get that thought out and concentrate on the matter at hand.

He went directly to the bed and sat down beside her. He looked at Dawn and asked her to go get a damp towel. While she was fulfilling his request, he looked down at the woman he loved more than anything and swept some of her hair off her face, murmuring, "Please luv, come back to us. Come back to me. I can't bear to go on without you. Please wake up."

At his touch and his words, Buffy responded. Her body turned toward his body and the sound of his voice. Dawn had just come back in the room and heard what Spike said to her sister, and she also saw the response that he got. She knew now more than before that he was the one for Buffy. She knew it, and Buffy knew it, even though the Slayer was lost in her dream world. 

Dawn walked up to Spike and handed him the requested towel. He took it and nodded his thanks before tenderly wiping Buffy's face. Even though Dawn was a very young girl, she recognized love when she saw it. The love was pouring from Spike. He treated her sister as if she was the finest china, as if he treasured her. Dawn could only hope that one day she would find a man that loved her as much as Spike loved her sister. While she was thinking these things, something occurred to her about how they might be able to wake Buffy.

"Spike, I know what you need to do! I know how you can reach her!" she excitedly told him, practically jumping from joy at her discovery.

He paused in his tender ministrations to Buffy's beautiful face to look at her little sister. "What is it, pet? What is it that I need t' do t' wake up the golden beauty?"

"That's just it! You've got it right there!" she nearly screamed.

"Cor, pet! You've lost me."

"You need to wake up the golden beauty," she said while looking at his face, seeing that he still didn't catch her drift. "You know.... like in 'Sleeping Beauty'. Please tell me you've heard that fairy tale."

"Sleeping Beauty? Well, yes.. of course I have. What does that have t' do wi---" he said as the realization slowly dawned on him.

"Yeah, you got it. You're the charming prince and you need to kiss the sleeping beauty to wake her up from the deep, dark sleep." Dawn began jumping up and down at those words.

"Hold on, lil bit. What made you come t' that conclusion?" No matter how much he'd love to kiss his Slayer, he still wasn't sure this wasn't just a flight of fancy on Dawn's part.

"Well, she responded to you when you touched her and when you spoke to her. When I talk to her or touch her, nothing changes. See---" Dawn went over to Buffy and touched her face as Spike had done and told her sister that she loved her. Nothing changed. She looked at Spike and told him to do the same thing. 

He hesitated before complying, but figured there was no harm in doing this. He stroked her cheek tenderly and said in his softest voice, "Buffy, I love you." As soon as he touched her, her head turned into his hand. When he said the word 'love' she attempted to move closer to him. He saw that what Dawn said was true. For some reason, his golden girl was responding to his voice and his touch.

"See, I told you! You have to kiss her. Please kiss her now. Please bring my sister back." Dawn's eyes filled with tears as she begged Spike to do as she asked.

He still hesitated, even with this additional incentive. He felt wrong about kissing her in this way, when she couldn't object. He had never taken so much as a kiss from a lady without her being able to have a say in the matter. It was too reminiscent of rape, even though logically he knew that it wasn't. He just had no desire to do anything like that. He had left that stuff to Angelus. Angelus had gotten off on rape and torture and driving his victims insane. That's what he'd done to Dru, and she wasn't the first, nor was she the last, she was just the most permanent evidence of his sociopathic ways. Spike knew that he himself was a monster, but he had never done such a thing, so how could he kiss his Buffy in this way? He turned to Dawn with that question in his eyes, he didn't want to appear to be an animal in front of her, and only an animal would do such a thing.

She studied his face for a moment and although she wasn't sure exactly what was going through his mind, she knew he feared that she, and Buffy, when she woke up, would think he had stepped where he should not have. She calmly looked at him and spoke. "Spike, please don't think I'm gonna be mad at you for this. It was my idea, after all, and I KNOW how much you love Buffy. I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. I know you'd never do anything to hurt her and I know that you're not like most guys. Please don't be afraid to kiss her. She won't be mad at you either. Please. You're the only one who can do this. You're the prince."

At her words, he turned to look at his love and realized the sense in what Dawn had told him. He was about to bend down to kiss her lips softly when the decision was taken out of his hands. Buffy started thrashing about in the bed, screaming at the same time. He had never heard such a horrifying scream, and wondered what she was seeing in her dream that caused her to react in such an extreme way. He attempted to hold her down, to keep her from harming herself, but she was extremely strong in her fear. He could hear Dawn in the background, whimpering, "Oh my god, she's getting worse. She's getting worse. Please kiss her, Spike. Kiss her now."

He reacted quickly. Even though it was hard for him to do with her arms and legs knocking him back, he managed to hold her down for a moment and placed his lips on hers. The moment his lips touched hers, she quieted down, but that was not all. She began to kiss him back in her sleep. This startled him, he hadn't expected such a reaction, and he let up his hold on her momentarily. As soon as he did, her arms slipped up around his neck, pulling him closer to her as she deepened the kiss. His mind was trying to focus on the fact that Buffy was asleep while she was doing this, so he wouldn't get too excited, but he was having an extremely hard time of it. He had almost completely forgotten that they had an audience when he heard Dawn gasp. His befuddled mind attempted to let him draw back from Buffy, but she was not having it. She pulled him into her even tighter. 

He thought that Dawn had gasped at the way he had been kissing Buffy and the way she had been kissing him back, but he figured out soon that that was not the case. As the kiss deepened again, he opened his eyes to look at his love and was surprised to find that her eyes were open. She was awake! She was awake and kissing him back. Even though his heart didn't beat, it fluttered at the realization. She had been kissing him as if he was the air she needed to breathe and she had been drowning at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. As if she had been searching for him her entire life and had finally found him when she was near the end. He kissed her back tenderly, with every single feeling in his heart passing from his lips to hers. 

She gradually broke the kiss and stared into his eyes. "Spike," she said as if she still didn't believe it was him. "I was so scared. I thought I had lost you. I thought it was all over and I couldn't get out. I couldn't get out." Tears started streaming down her face at the remembrance of the terrors she had experienced in her dreamworld. 

Spike clutched her to him and kissed her soundly. "I'll never leave you, Buffy. Please don't fear that. I love you so much. I'm goin' t' be here forever with you. God only knows what I'd be without you."

Her eyes widened at the last sentence he had spoken, she looked fearful all of a sudden. "Oh no! You said that in the dream. You said 'God only knows what I'd be without you' again and again. You kept playing that song. You played it over and over. I did something that destroyed you. I don't know what it was, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry..." she gasped brokenly as the words came out between sobs that shook her whole body. He attempted to calm her down, but she was too worked up. "It's coming true. It's coming true already. Oh god! NOOOO! Don't do this to me. I just found him. Don't take him from me!" she screamed into the air, before falling silent. Her body stopped moving and he thought at first that she was just resting, but then he realized that she had fallen back into a deep sleep, just like that. One moment she was sobbing and screaming, the next she was out. He had never been so scared in his life. He turned to see Dawn crying silent tears and reached his hand out to her. She came to him and they both sat there crying near Buffy's sleeping body before he began to concentrate on what the Slayer had been saying.

"Dawn, what did she mean about 'it's coming true. It's already coming true'? Does she have visions like Dru has?"

"No, she used to have dreams... uhm.. prophetic dreams, I think is what Giles called them. Sometimes, The Powers That Be would send her messages that way, but they haven't done that for awhile."

"Do ya think that's what she meant? That she's been havin' some kind of prophetic dreams and I'm in them?"

"I don't know, but that sounds likely. Maybe that's why she's so afraid. I wonder what she's been dreaming? And what song was she talking about? Do you know? What song says 'God only knows what I'd be without you'?"

"Hold on, pet. Let me think a minute." Spike tried to focus on all of the music that he had heard during his existence. It didn't sound like the lyrics you would usually find in the music he listened to, but he knew those words sounded familiar. Suddenly it hit him. "I got it! It's by a surfer group. Can't recall the name, but they were very popular in the 60's and 70's. They might still be popular today. Even the Beatles praised one of their albums. I think this song was on that particular album. Dru went through a California music phase," he said in explanation of his knowledge.

It always amazed Dawn how much information Spike had about pop culture. She was sure that Angel would have no idea what the blond vamp was talking about. Her thoughts were interrupted by Spike asking her a question, "Hey Nibblet, did your mum keep her old records somewhere, or did she purchase CD's with some of the older music on them?"

"Downstairs. They're all downstairs in the living room. Let's go see if we can find it," she told him before racing out of the room.

He got up to follow her, but stopped to kiss Buffy lightly on the lips before he did. "I love you, Buffy. Please don't leave me," he whispered against her lips before straightening up and heading out the door.

Dawn had already opened the cover of the cabinet that housed her mother's CD and record collection. She started on the CD's and Spike immediately began to help her when he reached the ground floor. He thanked Joyce when he saw that she had separated them not only alphabetically but also by type. They quickly found the section on surfer music. Dawn pulled out a CD that said Dan and Jean. He shook his head, he knew that wasn't the one. The next one she pulled out was The Beach Boys. That was the right group. Now they just had to find the album. He perused the assembled albums for The Beach Boys and knew when he hit the right one. He grabbed it in excitement. Dawn looked at it and giggled, "'Pet Sounds'? That's the name of an album? That's funny. What's the song?"

He glanced at the list of songs and knew it right when he saw it. He pointed to track number 8 and she nodded. As soon as he saw the name of the song, 'God Only Knows', he could hear the band singing the words.

"Let's go upstairs and play it in Buffy's room. That way we can still be by her." Dawn told him before heading back up the stairs. He hurried after her and placed the prized possession in the Slayer's CD player as soon as he reached the room. They both sat down to hear the words of the song that meant so much in Buffy's dream. It was a hauntingly beautiful song and Dawn wondered why she had never heard it before. She decided then and there to listen to more of her mother's music. 

  


'I may not always love you  
But long as there are stars above you  
You never need to doubt it  
I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you'  


At the end of the first verse, they looked at each other. Spike was thinking how it described how he felt about Buffy and how she'd never need to doubt his love for her. He'd love her until there were no stars left in the sky--- in other words, forever. Dawn looked at him and knew that he felt so deeply for her sister that he'd be with her no matter what.. even if Buffy didn't want him.

  


'If you should ever leave me  
Though life would still go on believe me  
The world could show nothing to me  
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you'  


After the second verse, the room grew somberly quiet. Dawn looked at Spike to see his reaction, and she knew that it would destroy him if Buffy left him. Spike couldn't face Dawn with those words in his head. He didn't want her to know how deeply it would hurt him if Buffy left him after he finally found her.

  


'God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me  
Well life would still go on believe me  
The world could show nothing to me  
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you'  


When the song finished, they sat in silence for a few minutes. Dawn didn't know what to say. They could only use supposition to try to figure out what Buffy's dream had been telling her, but she said that Spike kept playing that song. There was a reason for it. The words of that song had to mean something beyond the obvious. She could see in Spike's eyes that he realized that too. They both spoke at once.

"We need help."

Spike grinned at her. "Looks like we're on the same wavelength. I think you should ring Red. And.. ask her to come alone."

~~TBC~~ 

  
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The song 'God Only Knows' was recorded by The Beach Boys in 1966 and was written by Brian Wilson and T. Asher.

All of that above is just to state that I don't own the song or the words, they do!

  


  
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   [1]: mailto: I-Like-Spike@att.net



	2. Part 2

God Only Knows

Part 2   
by: Pandora

PART: (2/?)  
PAIRING: Spike/Buffy   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and other people own all.   
DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone else, please let me know.  
RATING: PG-13  
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including "The Body" is fair game, but nothing after that ep happens in this story.  
REVIEW: I live for it! grin   
SUMMARY: Buffy is trapped inside prophetic dreams. Spike and Dawn call Willow to help them get her out.  
DEDICATION: This part goes out to Trish for beta-reading this so quickly. Girl, you are just awesome! (BTW, any mistakes made are mine, but you all knew that already, didn't you? grin) Also to Lea, who reminded me that I didn't add the chains to the first part. How could I forget? sigh But, Lea, I remembered this time, thanks to you... LOL  
THANKS: To all the wonderful people who sent me feedback on the first part of this story and to the entire One Good Day crew! There's something special in this part for all of you. I'm sure you'll know it when you see it! LOL

God Only Knows  
Part 2

While they waited for Willow to arrive, Spike and Dawn sat on the bed, one on each side of Buffy. Spike looked down at the woman he loved and felt a sharp pain at his realization that she did feel something for him, but that she was trapped in her nightmares and might not be able to fulfill the promise he had seen in her eyes. He felt his stomach clench at the thought. He looked at Dawn and could see that she was deep in thought also. He wondered what was going through her mind, and knew that she was feeling tremendous pain if she felt similar to him.

Dawn looked down at her sister, and had to keep herself from sniffling. She had realized how much Buffy meant to her, and how much she depended on her sister. The Slayer had been having a hard time of it, with her life in general. People looked at her life like she was lucky to have been endowed with supernatural strength, but Dawn knew differently. She knew that Buffy had been burdened by her fate. She had seen the results firsthand. She'd seen the changes her sister had gone through. Yes, she was probably a better person because of it, but she had to sacrifice so much innocence as a result of what had been forced upon her by others.

The world had changed for Buffy from the moment she was called. It had become a drastically different place. So many things she had looked forward to while growing up were now gone. Dawn remembered watching Buffy dance in front of her mirror with a pillowcase draped over her head as a veil, pretending to be a bride. Her sister had done what most girls did while they were growing up. She had fantasized about her wedding, about being married to a great guy, and someday having kids. This was stuff that Dawn had dreamed of for herself, too, but for her it was still possible. For Buffy, it was highly unlikely that her lifestyle would allow any of those things to happen. As a slayer, her lifespan was very short, so it didn't leave much room for living a life outside of her calling. She couldn't leave her job. Her job followed her.

Even if she could somehow have found a normal guy who was NOT threatened by her strength and was able to marry him, she still would have had a hard time carrying a baby to term. And she would have been terrified that something would happen to her baby while she was patrolling. It's not like the COW would give her maternity leave or anything. Shoot, they didn't even pay her. So, it wasn't like she would be able to stop slaying if she became pregnant. And real life was like not on Xena, where the cumbersomely pregnant Xena jumped up into the air at nine months, fought evildoers the entire time, and delivered a healthy baby. In fact, not even three or four months ago when a vamp caught Buffy unawares, he was able to stab her in her stomach with a stake. If Riley hadn't shown up, the vamp would most likely have killed the Slayer and if she had been pregnant, the baby in all likelihood would not have survived such a blow. Her sister had been dealt a tough hand and had handled it pretty well, but she had lost a lot in the bargain. Dawn couldn't lose her sister. Her sister was her hero. Dawn looked up from her thoughts and wondered what was going through Spike's mind. So many emotions kept flitting across his face.

As Spike sat there next to Buffy, her head was turned toward his position on the bed. His hand kept straying down to touch her. He needed that contact with her. He had never been so close to her, and he was not thinking about physical closeness. He was thinking about what she had told him. She sounded as if she had loved him and lost him in her dreams. When she had opened her eyes, she drank in the sight of him. He could feel her opening herself up to him. He had never been so close and yet so far at the same time. She was ready to let him in, to give him a chance, but something or someone was holding her back from him. The world was a cruel place at times, and he, himself, had been the cause of much of that cruelty, but this situation was beyond cruel. Buffy had been through so much already, and she was clearly in a lot of pain and very afraid. It just was not fair. They were taking her from him before he even got her!

While they were both deep in their thoughts, the doorbell rang. Dawn jumped up. "It's Willow! You stay here with Buffy and I'll go let her in. Besides, she might stake you if she sees you answer the door," she said, grinning at Spike as she ran out the door to head down the stairs.

Upon opening the door and letting Willow in, she told her sister's friend that Buffy was up in her bedroom and that she would explain everything up there. She then grabbed the witch's hand and practically pulled her up the stairs in her hurry to get back to Buffy's room. As she pulled Willow through the doorway, she heard the redhead gasp, and turned to see the witch looking at Spike with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

"Uhh... Spike is sitting on Buffy's bed. Spike is sitting on Buffy's bed right next to Buffy AND he is touching her face! Dawnie, why is Spike in Buffy's room? This is SO not good!" Willow babbled on.

"Willow, calm down, please." Dawn tried to forestall the coming eruption she could see forming on the witch's lips. "We'll tell you everything. Just sit down here, k?"

redhead, still looking confused, seated herself in the chair by Buffy's bed -- on the opposite side from Spike, of course. Dawn and Spike relayed everything that had happened that night and Dawn explained the previous two nights. As soon as they were finished, the redhead looked at both of them, took a deep breath and then spoke.

"So, let me get this straight. Buffy's been having very bad dreams or nightmares for the past three nights. You were able to wake her up every night except tonight," she said while looking at Dawn. "And when she woke up, she couldn't remember what she had dreamed? Am I getting this right?" She looked at both of them and they nodded to show her that she was on the right track.

"Okay, then tonight comes and she's dreaming even deeper than before, she's screaming Spike's name, and you can't wake her up. You panic and are about to call me, but there's a knock on the door and Spike is CONVENIENTLY outside." She turned to look at Spike and addressed him straight off. "Well, that begs the question. What were you doing out there, Spike? Have you taken up full-time stalking as a way to get Buffy?"

"Look, Red. I don't expect ya t' understand what I feel for the Slayer. In fact, it's not really any of your bloody concern. You lot have made her feel guilty for too much, for too long. Do any of you even realize how lonely she's been? Well, I do!" Spike was nearly shouting at this point. He couldn't defend himself in any way that would make his actions acceptable to her or any of the Scoobies. Damn it all! Hadn't they all done the same thing at one time or another? Hadn't they followed the objects of their affections? But in his case, it was different. Not only did he love the Slayer to death, but he knew how low she was at this point. She had recently lost her mother and been given the responsibility of raising a fourteen year old girl. Her wanker of a boyfriend had given himself over to being sucked on because he was too much of a wuss to just make a clean break and find a woman who could actually love him. These things alone were enough to break many people, but she still had to save the world on a daily basis. He had seen her at moments that none of the others had because she had to be strong for them. He had to watch her, not only because he had to see her, to be at least a small part of her life, but he had to be there to help her in case she needed him. He couldn't allow her to be killed. He just couldn't! But how could he explain this to Willow? He didn't know, but he was going to try his best.

"I LOVE HER! I love her more than anythin' in my goddamned unlife. She brings the light into my darkness. She gives me a reason to exist. Sometimes I'm around just so I can see her, even though she doesn't want me there. And one other thing--" he looked directly into the witch's eyes. "I feel this need t' be around her, t' make sure she's okay, t' be there if she needs help. Just in case one of those baddies out there has that One Good Day. I want my Slayer t' live a long life, even if she won't have me. I couldn't bear it if she died..." his voice trailed off and his eyes dropped.

There was a stunned silence in the room for a few minutes following Spike's declaration of his feelings for Buffy during which he continued to caress Buffy's face. Even a blind person could see the palpable feelings for the Slayer that flowed from his body. Willow was forced to acknowledge his feelings as real. She got up from her seat on the chair, walked around the bed, and reached out to touch his shoulder. He looked up at her with an expected look of rejection on his face and waited to hear what she would say.

"Spike, I believe you. I don't know how Buffy feels, but if she wants to be with you, I will have her back. But..." she looked at him with a mock glare. "But, if you hurt her, I WILL have your head. LITERALLY!"

Spike grinned at her, his relief evident in the way his shoulders relaxed. "Well, Red. If I hurt her, you won't have t' do that. I'll do it myself. And considerin' how fond I am of my head, that should let you know how little I plan t' hurt her. If she'll have me, I'll do my best t' make her the happiest woman on earth." He turned back to Buffy and brushed her hair away from her face again and Willow saw the Slayer lean toward his hand.

"I see what you mean, Dawn," she said while looking at Dawn. "Buffy does respond to him and you said that when he kissed her before that she woke up."

"Have you kissed her since?" she addressed Spike.

"Yeah, I kissed her before I went downstairs to help Dawn find the CD. She didn't wake up," he answered despondently.

"Okay, well, try kissing her again." Willow told Spike. "I never thought I'd actually get to see 'Sleeping Beauty' acted out!" she excitedly told Dawn.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked him when he hadn't complied with her order.

"Sod it all! This is awkward. It was bad enough havin' t' perform with Nibblet here, but now..."

"Okay, Spike. Put your delicate sensibilities aside for a moment." The witch told him with exasperation evident in her tone. "Shoot, if it would help her, I'd KISS her! Now, just do it! It's not like we're asking you to take off your clothes and do the naked Snoopy dance..." she giggled at the thought of that image. "C'mon-- you're the one who chained her up! Remember that?" she said, trying to make him see that if he could do something like that, this was no big deal. "We've already decided that you're Prince Charming in this story. Now kiss the poor girl and wake her up!"

Spike had the decency to look ashamed at being reminded of what he had done to Buffy the night his world fell apart. He realized that it was no big deal for him to kiss her this way, he had already done it anyway. Besides, if Buffy had been awake, he would have relished the thought of driving her stick-in-the-mud friends crazy by kissing her in front of them at every opportunity. He turned to his golden girl, put his hands on both sides of her face, leaned down and place his lips tenderly on hers. She tasted so amazing. He was in awe at the power she held over him.

As he kissed her, the same thing happened as before. She started to kiss him back with even more passion than the previous time. She clutched at him as if he was a lifeline, but she didn't wake up this time. When he saw she wasn't waking, he looked at Dawn and Willow with sorrow evident in his eyes.

"How do we get her back?" he spoke the question that was plaguing them all. He saw Willow's eyelids flutter as if she was coming to a conclusion. He waited in anticipation to hear what she had come up with.

"I know what we can do. It's dangerous, but it's the only way we can find out what's happening in her dream." Her eyes danced with excitement. "I've been researching new spells and there's one I've been wanting to try. It has to do with dreams. I can do a spell that will put a person into Buffy's dream. Spike, you're the obvious choice. Are you willing to do that? Like I said, it could be dangerous."

Both Dawn and Willow watched Spike to see his reaction. He looked at them in stupefaction, like he couldn't believe they even wondered whether he would do it. "Sod it all, you two! I will do anythin' t' get my Slayer back. What do we need to do?"

"Okay, Dawn. Can you find something comfortable for Spike to change into? Do you have any of your dad's clothes here? Sweats or something?" Dawn nodded and headed out to get them. "Spike, as soon as she gets back here, you need to change." Spike nodded his head at her instructions, took the clothes that Buffy's little sister handed to him when she returned and headed to the bathroom to change. It only took a moment and he came back in wearing nothing but a pair of sweat pants that hung low on his hips. He hadn't bothered to put on the shirt she had brought him. He looked at Willow expectantly.

"Okay, Spike. This is what will happen. I am going to cast a spell that will allow you to enter Buffy's dream. I'm not sure what will happen at that point. I don't know if you will be able to interact with her or not, but it's important that you don't try to do anything dangerous. I don't know if it's actually true that you can die if killed in your dreams, but according to Freddy Krueger, it is!" She grinned at her little joke while Dawn groaned.

"Anyway, you need to pay close attention to what you see, so that you can describe it to us when you get out. If you need to get out for some reason, I will put a purple ribbon up that you can pull and I will then reverse the spell. Do you understand that?" Spike nodded his understanding. "All right, now, you need to lie down next to Buffy and put your arms around her. The closer you are, the closer the connection will be."

Spike complied by lying down and pulling Buffy into his arms. He was overwhelmed at the feelings this brought out in him and hoped that they could bring her out of this dreamworld so he would have a chance to do this for real someday. The Slayer turned and snuggled closer to him, nestling her head on his shoulder in the crook of his neck. He had never felt such peace before. He looked at Willow to indicate that he was ready and she started to chant. 

It felt weird at first. Kind of like he was under the influence of hallucinogens. Then he felt like he was falling, as if he was trapped inside a tornado, only the air was going down. Suddenly the sensation stopped and he was in what could only be described as an alternate universe. The colors were vivid in areas, much more vivid than in real life. He looked around to see if he could recognize anything and then he heard a familiar tune. The Beach Boys were singing 'God Only Knows'. He tried to determine where the sound was coming from, but it was on all sides of him. He walked around a bit until he heard someone crying. Crying as if her heart was broken. Then he saw her. He saw Buffy crumpled down on the ground with her clothes ripped to shreds, holding onto his duster. She kept calling out his name. As he got closer, she looked up and he could see the tears falling down her face. She saw him and gasped, "Spike, how are you here? You... you.. you.. you're.. you're.. you're.. DEAD! How did you get back? Are you a ghost?" She turned her head and began shouting at the sky. "Oh God, why are you doing this to me? Why? I loved him. I know I took too long to admit it. Please don't make me suffer any more. Please! Give him back to me."

Spike realized from this reaction that Buffy could see him so he tried to speak to her. "Buffy, what is goin' on? What the bloody hell happened here?" He got no further than that when the ground began shaking. 

She looked at him in fear and said, "It's happening again. Everyone will die because I didn't choose the right man in time. It's all my fault. All my fault." 

As she spoke he saw the Magic Box suddenly appear in front of them. The door opened and the entire gang spilled out onto the street. Fear was evident on all of their faces. Dawn saw Buffy crying in the road and rushed over to her, but before she could get there, the ground opened up and swallowed her. The Slayer screamed in terror at seeing her sister taken. Then from another opening creatures such as he had never seen before spilled forth. It took only moments for the entire Scooby gang to be dispatched along with any other unfortunates that happened to be on the street at the same time. He could only wonder at this display when suddenly it all went quiet again. He glanced around and saw that they were by his crypt now. He saw the door opening and saw himself coming out, then everything went black---

  
~~TBC 


	3. Part 3

God Only Knows - 3

**God Only Knows**

**Part 3**

by: [Pandora][1]

  


PAIRING: Spike/Buffy   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and other people own all. DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone else, please let me know.  
RATING: R It has a couple of curse words in it, but that's all.  
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including "The Body" is fair game, but nothing after that ep happens in this story.  
REVIEW: I live for it! grin   
SUMMARY: Spike is in Buffy's dream. He sees and hears everything that is going on, and tries to find clues to help Buffy get out.   
DEDICATION: To **Jessa, the Quote Queen, **for coming to my rescue and giving me the Spike quote that is used in this part. She is just the best at this stuff! To **Trish** for being the amazing beta on this story and leaving comments that always make me smile. grin

God Only Knows  
Part 3

  
It was only black for a second, and then Spike saw what was happening before him. He saw himself slamming the door of his crypt, muttering to himself. He couldn't catch everything, but it sounded like, "Bloody wanker peaches! Why can't he just stay in LA and cause them pain? He bloody well has t' ruin everythin' for me..."

Spike followed his dream self as he walked out of the graveyard, heading in the direction of Buffy's house. He assumed he couldn't be seen in this part of the dream, because the Dream Spike had walked right past him. He hurried to keep up with his counterpart. As they walked along, side by side, the Dream Spike kept muttering to himself. Spike listened to every word, because he figured there might be some useful information in the dream guy's words.

"Bloody hell! Damn bint Drusilla! She had to run tell brood boy that I love the Slayer! Sod it all! Now, I have no chance. Well, it's not like I had a chance before really, but... Oh! Damn it all! Now, the bloody poof will be tellin' Buffy t' stay away from me, that he loves her and can't live without her. How can I compete with that? Damn it all! She smiled at me at the Bronze last night. I know I didn't imagine it. She would've talked t' me if the damn Scoobies hadn't been there. I could see it in her eyes. Some kind of appreciation for me and.. and... lust. Yes, definitely lust!"

They had almost reached Buffy's house when he finally stopped talking. Both Spikes groaned at the same time when they saw Angel's car parked in the Slayer's driveway. "Great. The A-hole's already here. This should be fun. About as fun as taking a bath in holy water. Now, I get t' be lectured by my ponce of a grandsire. Oh, lucky me." Dream Spike showed his feelings for Angel clearly and Spike couldn't help but agree with him. 

They both bounded up the steps and Dream Spike knocked on the door, which was answered instantly by Dawn. She stepped outside, quickly pulling the door shut behind her. "Hey, Spike. Angel's here."

"Yeah, I know lil bit. The poof sent a message t' me that told me t' meet him here."

"Well, he's really mad! He keeps saying things to Buffy like he blames her for your feelings. He acts like she's been making moves on you. So, he's not just mad at you..."

"Bloody hell! Stupid ponce. He should know she'd never look at me. How dare he blame her! Let me in so I can tear his head off!"

"Spike, calm down. If you go in there all mad, he'll be ahead of you. Don't let him get to you! C'mon, Buffy needs a guy with life.. LIKE.. YOU, not a dead-head like him!"

At her words, the Dream Spike nodded his head to show he understood and motioned for her to open the door. Spike always knew that he liked the Nibblet for some reason.

When they slipped into the hallway, they both heard Angel harping on in the kitchen. They groaned in unison. This was really not going to be fun. All three halted to eavesdrop for a bit when Angel made an interesting comment.

"Buffy, I left you so you could have a normal life, so you could have a man who could give you everything, including children."

"How selfless of you, Angel!" Buffy bitterly responded to his words. She looked at him with deep hurt shooting from her eyes, and even though the three in the hallway couldn't see her expression, they could feel her pain by the sound of her voice. "Do you have any idea how much pain you caused me that day? You destroyed me. I felt as if you had stomped on my heart. And for what? To give me a normal life?" She laughed bitterly at this. "Well, that worked out well, didn't it? My 'normal' boyfriend couldn't handle that I am stronger than he is. He couldn't handle that he wasn't ALWAYS the center of my universe. So, what did he do? He paid vampire 'ho's to suck on him because he felt they 'needed' him. How ridiculous is that? He cheated on me and then had the nerve to lay a guilt trip on me. As if it was my fault that he was too much of a coward to face up to his inadequacies as a man! Yeah.. normal worked out fine for me..." she laughed again at these words, a laugh filled with pain.

"I'm sorry about that, Buffy, but I still feel you need to have a normal life---"

"What!? There is that word again. 'I' this, 'I' that, 'I' feel you should have a normal life. 'I' feel you shouldn't date him. 'I' do! Well, goddamn-it-all--- when do I, the actual 'I' here, get to have a say in 'MY' life!?" Buffy screamed at her first love, while the trio in the hall cheered her on. 

That's my girl, both Spikes thought, while Dawn said beneath her breath, "Yeah, Buffy.. You go, girl!"

"Everyone is always telling me how I should feel, who I should love, who I should NOT love. At first the gang was all against you 'cause you are a vampire, even though you have a soul and they never let me forget it. Willow was more understanding than the rest, but still it was all, 'Buffy, you should date a normal guy. You should date so and so. blah, blah, blah' "

"But, you see... what you all don't seem to get is that you CAN'T orchestrate love. Love just happens. You know, I can't believe that I'm about to quote Spike, but I think he had it right. Let's see if I can remember his words. Oh yeah, 'Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work it's will.' He definitely had it right!"

"I can't help who I love, Angel. I couldn't help that I fell in love with you. I couldn't help that I didn't love Riley enough. And I can't help that I feel..." she trailed off here.

"You can't help but feel what, Buffy?" Angel prompted her. 

"I can't help that I feel.. that.. well, I should have believed Spike when he said he loved me. He's deep, and he understands me more than anyone else. I should have just jumped him and fucked his brains out. I bet he'd be good in bed."

At those words, there was the sound of a resounding slap coming from the kitchen. The eavesdroppers raced in to find Buffy touching her reddened cheek, looking at Angel with tears brimming in her eyes. Angel stood before her, looking ready to slap her again. Both Spikes ran to pull him back, although the Dream Spike was the only one successful in this since the other Spike couldn't be seen or felt by the others in this part of the dream.

"Bloody hell, Peaches. What are ya doin'?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy." Angel tried to apologize, but it didn't sound entirely true. "I just don't like to hear you talk like that, especially about Spike.

"You bloody poof! Quit tellin' her how t' think!" Dream Spike yelled at Angel. "She didn't do anythin' t' deserve this treatment from you. You owe her some respect!"

Buffy was astounded by Dream Spike's words. He was sticking up for her in front of Angel and this made her look more closely at her feelings, but they were still buried deeply inside her. She looked at Angel and said the first thing that came to her mind. "Why do you blame me for this? I was just making a comment. It's not something I've ever done, so why are you acting like this?"

Angel blared out at her words, "Yeah, but Buffy, Spike would not have started this if you hadn't given him some encouragement. He wouldn't think he loved you if you hadn't given him reason to believe it."

Both Spikes, Dawn, and Buffy groaned at the stupidity of this statement, but Angel was so sure he was right that he didn't hear them.

"Angel, you have no idea what you're talking about. I swear I did not give him a reason to think I felt something for him, at least not consciously..."

"So, you admit that you might have done something."

"God, Angel, did you ever think that maybe he could love me without any encouragement on my part? Or do you think that I had some crafty plan going to get him interested in me? You know, like I sidled up to him like this," she slowly went toward Dream Spike, "and I ran my hands down his chest." She then ran her hands down his chest, surprised at how good it felt, while both Spikes gasped at the sensation, even the one she wasn't touching. "And then, I leaned into him, pulled his face down, and kissed him soundly!" She said these words and then did just that. 

The room was in complete silence at that moment. Buffy, because she was drawn into the kiss and realized what she had been missing. Dream Spike, because he was being kissed by the woman of his dreams. Spike, because his counterpart was being kissed by the woman of his dreams. Dawn, because she had never seen such passion before, because nothing like this had ever come out of the kisses between her sister and Riley. Angel, because he was disgusted at this display and angered that he had caused her to take this step.

Buffy broke away from Dream Spike with a dazed look on her face and addressed Angel. "And then, I guess you think I sent subconscious signals to him like, 'Spike, love me. Spike, love me. Spike, love me.' Is that it? Because that's the only way I can be held responsible for his feelings. And as far as I know, I NEVER did any of those things!"

"Yes, but you had to have done something to make him see you in that way. You can't be completely innocent in this!" Angel blustered on.

"Bloody hell, poof! Are you gettin' daft in your old age!?" Dream Spike spoke directly to Angel. "You're supposed t' love the girl and you're blamin' her for somethin' she had no control over. She didn't cause this and I didn't cause this. It just is. I don't know how long I've had these feelings, but Dru knew about them for longer than I'd care t' admit. I thought she was just havin' one of her crazy fits, but she was right. There's somethin' about this girl," he turned to look at Buffy with every bit of love in him shining from his eyes. "She's captivatin'. She makes me want t' be good. She makes me want t' change. She makes me want t' be alive. She's a miracle." He turned back to Angel, "I'd die for her. I love her, even though she doesn't want me to. I love her so much and nothin' you or anyone else says is goin' t' change that. So, I suggest you get used t' it. You are no longer the only vampire who loves this golden girl. Damn it all! You know how special she is. She doesn't have t' do anythin' t' get someone t' love her. She just has to exist! The love part comes naturally. She's magic."

Buffy was captivated by Dream Spike's words and was still reeling from the shock the kiss had sent through her. She had no idea what feelings she'd been hiding for this vampire, but judging from her body's response to his lips, she wanted to find out. Now, all she needed to do was rid her house of her ex and her little sister. But, how to do that? Her thoughts were interrupted by Angel's voice.

"Buffy, I need to tell you something. It's very important." His voice was solemn and all eyes turned to him. "But, I don't think we should have an audience." He turned to look at the other two in the room, passing over Spike as if he wasn't there. "Would you two please give us some privacy?"

Dawn and Dream Spike looked at Buffy, who nodded to let them know it was all right. They left the kitchen and went to the living room to wait, but Spike just stood there. He thought he should find out what Angel told Buffy to see if it would help bring her from her dream. When he heard Angel's words, he nearly fell to the ground in shock.

"Buffy, you know I love you. I have loved you for a very long time." Angel looked at her to see her reaction and when she nodded, he continued. "I want to be with you again. I can't live without you anymore." At this, she gasped, shocked by what he said. He didn't wait for another reaction from her, but continued on his discourse. "We don't have to worry about me losing my soul. It has been anchored. So, now we can be together in every way." He said these words while walking closer to her, smiling, as if he was giving her a great present.

Spike stood there and felt his heart drop to the floor. Buffy was gone from him now. She could have her true love without any fears and she'd jump at the chance. His heart was breaking into tiny little pieces when he heard her voice.

"Oh, joy! You mean, now that you can fuck me, we can be together again, huh? I guess I should be pleased at this, but somehow I'm not. Even though it was hard for me to be around you and not touch you in that way, I still would rather have been around you, but you took that choice from me. Now, I'm supposed to act like the last two years didn't happen and just go back to being painfully-in-love-with-Angel Buffy again? It isn't going to be all that easy. You came here and accused me of many things that I didn't deserve and I still haven't gotten over the pain you caused me when you left me 'for my own good'. You know, no matter what you think about Spike, at least he stuck it out. I gave him no reason to hope and he stayed! Why couldn't you have stayed even though it was hard!?" Buffy screamed at him, tears falling down her cheeks.

Spike wanted so much to go comfort her, but he wasn't able to in this part of her dream. She didn't even know that he was there. He thought over what she had said and had a little more insight into how she had been feeling. He also noticed that she had been paying attention to him, even if she denied it. If it wasn't for this Angel interruption, who knows where they might be now?

"Look, Buffy," Angel's brooding voice interrupted him again. "That is not all there is to it." Buffy looked at him with a question on her face. "Even if Drusilla hadn't made sure to tell me about Spike in order to cause me pain, I still would have been up here."

"Yeah? Why?"

"Cordy had a vision. She saw Sunnydale being swallowed up by holes opening in the ground and vicious demons crawling out of them and killing everything in sight. In the last part of the vision, she saw you with your clothes ripped in pieces, lying on the ground crying into some black material."

Spike groaned at this knowledge. That was almost exactly what he had seen when he entered Buffy's dream. This was getting more complicated. This had to be set sometime in the future as none of these events had happened yet, but he needed to find out more in order to help Buffy avert the apocalypse. His thoughts were interrupted by Buffy's voice.

"Is that all? No more details? How do you know it's true?"

"She is sent these visions by The Powers That Be. Sometimes they are very vague on the details and we have to research, so I figure we should go to Giles and Willow for some help."

"Great. Research. I hate research," she grumbled. "I'll call Giles and ask him to give the gang the head's up. Let's go get the others and head over to the Magic Box." She picked up the phone to call Giles and then headed to the living room to explain the situation to Dream Spike and Dawn. While she was explaining, she couldn't stop looking at Dream Spike's lips and thinking how good they had felt on her own. She had to stop herself from jumping on his lap right then and there and having her way with him. Both Spikes were grinning at the looks crossing her face and wished they could grab her right then and there, throw her on the floor and shag her lights out. All three were interrupted by Angel clearing his voice.

"Well, shouldn't we be going?" he said to no one in particular, not liking the looks on the faces of two in the room. He could see and feel sexual tension in the room, and he didn't like this development one bit. He finally got their attention with a few more throat clearings, and the whole troop headed out the door to the Magic Box.

  
~~TBC~~  


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